Thursday, October 28, 2004



So that was a test I was unprepared for. The positive thing is that it's only 25% of my grade, and I'm doing okay on the other elements. The negative thing is how profoundly fucked up my comprehension of some of these concepts really is. Surely, I could have benefitted from office hours, but I don't think I even understood that I didn't understand until I got into the test and looked it over. I seriously had a flashback to the integral calculus midterm I took in college, where I felt like I'd left my brain in my dorm room.

This poor performance (and I am serious, please don't dismiss it, I didn't do "fine") has got me questioning just what the hell I'm trying to accomplish being in this program. I know that I want a job in some policy capacity. I know that I enjoy evaluating data regarding educational reform. I know that I enjoy the interaction in my classes, and that I feel like I'm learning. But I also know that I can't seem to stay focused, and this worries me. I keep saying I think I have adult ADD, and more happens regularly to confirm my suspicions. All I know is, I don't want to live with the anxiety that lack of focus brings anymore, but that other than the intense pressure of deadlines, I can't seem to motivate myself to focus at all.

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