Sunday, November 28, 2004

danger danger

Warning Signs

I'm slipping into a funk again. This time a lonely and anxious one, precipitated by the looming end of the semester, which will culminate with me being called on the carpet for spending too much time daydreaming and moping and chatting and not enough in focus. This weekend will probably demonstrate itself as a catalyst, wherin I intended to accomplish much and merely succeeded in making myself depressed about things I can't deal with at the moment. My utter lack of the ability to put asied emotional turmoil and focus on more pressing and tangible matters makes this even more alarming.

Crap, I say.

I was just commenting to Alice that I was doing quite well without my anti-depressants, which I haven't taken in a few months. I was sure I would be alright without the stupid things. It's a matter of serendipity that I discovered that they work for me in the first place, but now I see that they warrant some more investigation. Bleh. Lame. I have a doctor appointment on Tuesday. Whilst originally scheduled as a yearly gyno exam required if I want my birth control pill prescription renewed, I've got a few more issues to discuss. The last 6 days I've had an increasingly intense pain in the lower left side of my abdomen--inexplicable to me because all the usual suspects have been eliminated (muscle strain/spasm, ovulation/cramps, constipation). I'm on to assuming the worst: diverticulitis/Crohn's disease/irritable bowel syndrome, ruptured ovarian cysts, colon cancer. I'm absolutely terrified of endoscopy and surgery, so here's hoping I don't need either. Certainly this isn't helping my attitude much either, you can imagine.

I'm looking forward to going home. Sorry to be such a party pooper.

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