Sunday, August 24, 2008

Next Phase: Looking for my Bill Weasley

Still working on the counselor/life coach angle. Muckdog left a comment on the previous post in which he argued that achieving goals is less important than the time we spend with family and friends. But given my upbringing, it's more difficult for me to see things in those terms, which is a large part of why outward measures of success take on greater importance to me. However, I wouldn't say that I don't care about the softer side--in fact, I continue to attempt to inject those elements into my work despite the fact that there's another side of me that knows that practice is inappropriate. I tend to construct everything in terms of goals, including relationships, and as such, I suppose I mean to get a life/career coach for the purpose of achieving balance at home and at work, and particularly in my relationships.

Speaking of relationships, it's been a long time since I've been in one. I've been focused on school and work for the last 5 years now. Pam posted this fairly thoughtful quiz,The Harry Potter Husband Test, and I was matched up with Bill Weasley. I realize this seems really cheesy and juvenile, but given my strong feelings about the Harry Potter books, I feel like there's some value in considering the characters. While the quiz describes Bill Weasley as a "Chuck Norris" type, I don't think that's meant to disparage. Bill's an awesome character because he does what's right and necessary at all times, and is truly devoted to those he loves.

Lately, I've been confronting myself regarding personality traits and behaviors that I'm less than thrilled with, and I find myself really challenged by the competing notions of self-improvment and self-acceptance. I often feel like I do and say things that have unintended consequences, or that reveal elements of myself that I go to great lengths to hide (albeit unsuccessfully) from others. The past year has been instructive in terms alerting me to the fact that I can't really hide anything the way I wish I could, and so, since I'm a perfectionist to the core, I now feel compelled to fix them. Unfortunately, despite my belief in the power of psychotherapy, I'm beginning to think that some things are just in-born, or so well-learned that they can't be undone. So, the question becomes, at least in some measure, will my Bill Weasley be there for me even if I can't change?

No comments: