Monday, November 08, 2010

Ego and Friendship

One of the reasons I practice yoga and meditation is to free myself from my ego, if only for a little while. My ego is strong-willed and fragile. Some might ascribe these qualities to me directly, but I think that's unfair, as I am always striving to get beyond them. However, I do acknowledge that in some circumstances I can have a very difficult time of it. One such circumstance is in friendship. At times, I think I process these relationships in a completely different way than most people (and I am not saying this to stroke my ego, because this really pains me). In particular, I can be very attached to the idea of loyalty. I live by the notion that, if I call someone a friend, I am obligated to them. I should try to be available when they want to hang out and defend their honor in a duel, should that opportunity ever present itself. If they are having a party and I'm not sick or previously engaged, I should try to make it. If there are certain activities which we have always done together, then they should be the person I think of when similar activities arise. If they send me a text message and I receive it, I should respond as quickly as possible. In turn, I have a tendency to expect the same from others. I've been told that these expectations are a burden for people. I suppose I can see what they mean. But, I can't lie and say that, when I don't feel like my efforts are reciprocated, my feelings aren't hurt. It will be my greatest achievement if I can move beyond this.

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