In the past two months, several friends of mine have had babies. Two boys, one girl. It's kind of insane just how many people I know are pregnant. I have to remind myself that, over the course of their lives, most women will have a baby. This still seems weird to me in these most modern of times, when the majority of my friends are well-educated, have good jobs and are not Mormon (which, if you asked a younger version of me, the lack of these characteristics would be associated with not having kids).
I like my friends' babies, but still I cannot imagine myself having one of my own. When I was younger and my body hurt more often, I could easily heed warnings I'd been given from doctors that pregnancy would be too hard on me. I also vowed I'd never have kids while I couldn't put anyone's needs before my own, and while I struggled with managing rage and suspicion. Now that, through my yoga and meditation practices, I've found a basic level of physical strength and mental balance I didn't know I could achieve, I'd expect I'd feel a little more open to childbearing, but I don't. Generally, I'm fine with that, but I kind of feel a gulf opening between me and most of my friends at this age. However, I also know that this is my concern, not theirs, and that I'm responsible for how I ultimately process this development.