Sunday, June 02, 2013

Always doing too much

Lately, I've been thinking about the impacts of technology on my brain and psyche. I can see several major actors affecting my ability to focus for long periods of time: Facebook, my smartphone (which isn't even that smart- it's a BlackBerry), and multiple browser tabs. In fact, that last item may be the worst. Having more than one tab open at a time is the same as trying to hold multiple items in my consciousness at once. My natural inclination to stuff every last waking moment with new information feeds off this. And Facebook stokes not only my need for social gratification, but also my fear that life is happening around me without me, making me insecure. And the phone just facilitates constant access to all this information.

It would be pretty dramatic if I stopped using all these tools. But it might be necessary. I've stated that I'm trying to get back to basics. But what I'm really trying to do is reconcile a need to sustain the momentum of the past two years while also taking better care of myself. I'm toying with the idea of taking a month off from "obligations," and leaving the term loosely defined. I feel like I have this reputation to maintain and to keep up appearances that I can do it all and everything is hunky dory. Truthfully, though, I'm frustrated by the lack of progress I see myself making on personal and professional goals.

So, it might be better for this blog and the rest of my life if I stop "running around all the time" as my dad likes to say, and get focused. I put it on facebook and I'll say it here too: June is a month for taking care of myself. I'll probably have to relearn what that means, but I am eager for the process.

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