Sunday, November 03, 2013

Letting Go, Moving On

It's November. I signed up for a facebook group called "No Excuses November." I listed my goal as being committed to getting organized. I didn't specify, but I think I meant to state that I would do one thing every day this month to get rid of extra stuff and generally reduce my clutter, both in physical possessions but also in terms of the things I spend my time thinking about. I worry so much about being all things to all people, even though I know it's not possible.

I'm giving up on that. This year I'm really noticing a change in my energy levels and my health, unfortunately not for the better. I remember being in a similar place about 5-6 years ago, and the commitment I made to getting healthy again. I thought I could neglect those practices for a while and get a big career boost out of my extra-curriculars, but I am depleted. And so while I gave so much of my life force to things other than myself over the past several years, it is time to retreat and recharge. Giving all my heart and soul to things and people that don't reciprocate is a fool's errand that will only dessicate me in the end. I know that sounds overly melancholic and dramatic, but it's been a dramatic year. One more month and I'll be able to stop comparing milestones and wishing I'd made different choices, which will help with the healing. Now is the time to build the practice and cultivate the discipline.

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